Every so often life is funny in unexpected ways.
Mix All Ingredients
I spend a lot of time laying in bed on my left or right side to prevent bedsores. The problem is keeping the stuff in front, my "man goods", from being crushed. I'm always asking my caregivers, "Not crushing my man goods are we"? Well every so often someone doesn't hear the question clearly. Yesterday my caregiver thought she heard this "Not crushing my main ingredients are we"? Main ingredients?? Well wait a minute. If you think about it.... That's funny.
Blowing Bubbles
Long time ago I had a caregiver named M. She sweated a lot. I mean a lot!! Sometimes when she was giving me a bath I couldn't tell if it was water dripping on me or her sweat. Gross I know. After her I got another caregiver. This one had allergies. Sniff Sniff Sniff Sniff. So now instead of sweat, I have to worry about snot bubbles dripping on me. OH!!! I know, super gross!! Life is funny.
Super Duper Pooper Tent
We should all know that a pup tent is a small tent. When I'm laying on my side at night, we have to make a pup tent with my sheets behind my rear end. We'll it's not really a pup tent. It's a poop tent! You know, just in case my bowels decide to self evacuate in the middle of the night. Get it? It's a pup tent for my poop. It's a poop tent! Now that's damn funny!
Back In The Box
Now this last one may be a question of perspective. 10 years ago my Dad passed away from acute leukemia. He wanted to be cremated and had some practical thoughts about it. First he didn't see any reason to pay for a coffin if you're just going to burn it. He also saw no reason to dress him up in his best suit just to set fire to it as well. Therefore the last time I saw him he was in his hospital gown and a cardboard box.
Now who knows why the brain thinks the things it thinks at moments like this? My first thought was, "Huh, I don't think this cheap cardboard box is going to be strong enough to ship him all the way back to the manufacturer in?" Seemed like kind of a silly thought to me at the time. I mean it's not exactly like we got the wrong item in the mail and now we have to ship him back its it?
So sometimes, just sometimes, life is funny.
QUADRAMAN
Friday, May 9, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
Digital Camera, Digital TV,...Digital Stimulation?
Digital Camera, Digital TV,…Digital Stimulation?
Give the 7 dwarfs a big screen HD TV and some hot wings and they would have been way too busy watching A&E to be bothered with Snow White and her crazy step-mother. So the crazy witch tried to poison you. Next time call a cop you powder puff.
If something digital can corrupt the 7 dwarfs, it can do the same to medicine. Before the digital camera or the digital TV, medicine made use of our own basic digital equipment, our fingers. They call it digital stimulation.
We need to know what digital stimulation is because it's funny. It's deceptive and that's what makes it funny. We must also learn about things like “self evacuation” and being “dexterity challenged.” If you think you know where I'm going with this you're close. If you know where I'm going with this,..... Well crap!
By the time I left TIRR back in 2010 pretty much everything was funny. The funniest thing was the vocabulary. A perfect example of this is the term “bowel program.” I don't think I've ever told anyone I need to have a BM. I have seen a man about a horse, taken my dog for a walk, returned a book to the library, and I have even left something in the night deposit box.
It's the same thing with the word program. I've used a computer program, done an exercise program, tried a diet program, watched a program on TV, but I've never used a bowel program. So what does a bowel program and digital stimulation have to do with each other?
Since this is a very delicate subject and I don't want to upset anyone's delicate disposition, I will try to be as discreet as a squirrel wearing suspenders. When it comes to making a gift of our own personal fertilizer, most of us use the traditional method of "self evacuation". Seriously, that's actually what they call it.
However, some of us are not only dexterity challenged, but we also can not self evacuate on our own. So we need a little help from our friends, a very special friend with a very special digit. Oh, and when I say digit, I do mean finger. I just want to make sure you understand that.
Now you have to take your digit and stick it in the rabbit hole. Twirl your straw until you feel the leprechaun’s pot of gold. Wait, I forgot something. Before you twirl your straw, you have to plant a magic jumping bean up the elevator shaft and wait 20 minutes. After 20 minutes you massage the walls of Bonzo’s fun time playhouse by twirling your straw (digit) in it. Once the gold starts flowing you know your digital stimulation was successful. Get it? Got it? Good.
Give the 7 dwarfs a big screen HD TV and some hot wings and they would have been way too busy watching A&E to be bothered with Snow White and her crazy step-mother. So the crazy witch tried to poison you. Next time call a cop you powder puff.
If something digital can corrupt the 7 dwarfs, it can do the same to medicine. Before the digital camera or the digital TV, medicine made use of our own basic digital equipment, our fingers. They call it digital stimulation.
We need to know what digital stimulation is because it's funny. It's deceptive and that's what makes it funny. We must also learn about things like “self evacuation” and being “dexterity challenged.” If you think you know where I'm going with this you're close. If you know where I'm going with this,..... Well crap!
By the time I left TIRR back in 2010 pretty much everything was funny. The funniest thing was the vocabulary. A perfect example of this is the term “bowel program.” I don't think I've ever told anyone I need to have a BM. I have seen a man about a horse, taken my dog for a walk, returned a book to the library, and I have even left something in the night deposit box.
It's the same thing with the word program. I've used a computer program, done an exercise program, tried a diet program, watched a program on TV, but I've never used a bowel program. So what does a bowel program and digital stimulation have to do with each other?
Since this is a very delicate subject and I don't want to upset anyone's delicate disposition, I will try to be as discreet as a squirrel wearing suspenders. When it comes to making a gift of our own personal fertilizer, most of us use the traditional method of "self evacuation". Seriously, that's actually what they call it.
However, some of us are not only dexterity challenged, but we also can not self evacuate on our own. So we need a little help from our friends, a very special friend with a very special digit. Oh, and when I say digit, I do mean finger. I just want to make sure you understand that.
Now you have to take your digit and stick it in the rabbit hole. Twirl your straw until you feel the leprechaun’s pot of gold. Wait, I forgot something. Before you twirl your straw, you have to plant a magic jumping bean up the elevator shaft and wait 20 minutes. After 20 minutes you massage the walls of Bonzo’s fun time playhouse by twirling your straw (digit) in it. Once the gold starts flowing you know your digital stimulation was successful. Get it? Got it? Good.
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