Part 3 The Marilyn Effect

                        In an effort to waste more time I've undertaken a mystery of epic proportion. Recently something very strange has been happening in my bedroom. It involves my Marilyn Monroe Christmas ornament that I have hanging from my ceiling fan. Some how she has been mysteriously changing the direction she's facing. The perplexing mystery of how she is doing this has kept me up for many sleepless seconds.
The secret of how she is doing this is so mind numbing that some of the greatest mystery solving detectives have passed on the case. Nancy Drew, Scooby-Doo, and even Charlie Chan with help from his number one son have all declined my invitation to undertake this monumental waste of time. They are either scared of the possibility of universal humiliation if they fail to solve this absurd contradiction of galactic unimportance, or it could simply be because they're imaginary. But I, with my ever decreasing number of brain cells, has dove into this unexplained brain twister with all the energy of a sloth in syrup.
     Awhile back I notice that Marilyn had been mysteriously turning and facing different directions. Some days Marilyn is facing the window. Some days she is facing the TV. Other days she is facing the bathroom. Spooky I know. Especially for a Christmas ornament. I mean one doesn't normally expect to find that type of behavior from a major motion picture holiday ornament.
     In order to solve this perplexing and irrelevant mystery it's important to note the facts in the case. She is in the classic pose wearing the blowing white dress from the scene in the movie "The Seven Year Itch". She isn't flat like Texas road kill. Think Barbie, she has arms and legs. You can even look up the dress. I know, I think that's pretty kinky for a Christmas ornament too. The strings attached to a hook in the back of her head, the fan is off, it's not the A/C, and the string is too hit your head on. So how is she spinning around?
    Let's look at some possible explanations for this phenomenon. First, she's upset about having a hook screwed in to the back of her head. Very understandable, I'd be running around in circles too if I had a screw in the back of my head. Maybe she's embarrassed that I'm always looking up her skirt. Hey she started it. Maybe it's Demonic possession. Give me a break. Someone call Linda Blair for me. Or maybe someone is using The Force. Ah…Yeah right. Somebody have Linda Blair call Yoda. Or maybe it's Gremlins, or the Keebler Elves, Goblins, Dwarfs, Fairies, The Ghost of Elvis, Aliens, Bigfoot, Voodoo, Leprechauns, or maybe… it's Ninjas!!
     I found out the other day how she's doing it. However, the explanation is just not that interesting. In fact it is so boring and stupid that explaining it to you would be an even bigger waste of your time than reading this has been. I'm sure your imagination will come up with a far more interesting and entertaining explanation than the truth is. I know this to be true because my invisible purple baby elephant told me so at our last meeting of D.U.M.B. Demented Unauthorized Messengers of Bull.